


Inviting

by Fairfaxleasee



Series: Fenris/Cassia [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Autism, F/M, Mild Blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26818393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairfaxleasee/pseuds/Fairfaxleasee
Summary: Hawke asks Fenris to accompany her into the Deep Roads, Bethany objects.
Relationships: Bethany Hawke & Female Hawke, Fenris/Female Hawke
Series: Fenris/Cassia [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141970
Kudos: 12





	Inviting

Fenris woke up to what was becoming a familiar dull throbbing in his head. He had clearly drunk too much the previous night, again. Not that he ever had anything better to do. An elf on the streets of Hightown was bound to get noticed, and while a part of Fenris just wanted to finally confront Denarius and be done with being chased one way or the other, he knew that taking unnecessary risk wasn’t in his best interest.

So why was he even staying in Kirkwall? Yes, he was tired of running but Denarius’s men had already tracked him here, and while he enjoyed drinking his way through Denarius’s wine collection and could always manage to find mercenary work through the talkative dwarf, there shouldn’t be enough here to keep him.

_ Bah! _

Fenris decided to ignore his real dilemma in favor of solving the much easier problem of discovering just what exactly had woken him up. He was quite annoyed when it quickly became apparent that what had woken him up was the reason he refused to admit he didn’t want to leave.

Hawke and her sister were on the street below walking towards his house. 

_ No. _

He admonished himself. Hawke was not walking towards his house. Hawke was walking in the direction his house happened to be in. He had no hope or expectation that she would even stop to acknowledge his presence as she went about her business, which neither involved nor interested him. And he certainly wasn’t going to stand at his window to watch her pass as he definitely wouldn’t will her to notice him there and decide to stop and see him.

“I still don’t understand why you have to do this!”

Hawke let out an exasperated sigh.

“I told you, Bethany, I don’t  _ have _ to do this, just like you don’t  _ have _ to come.”

“Well what am I supposed to do while you go adventuring in the Deep Roads? Stay with mother and uncle Gamlin?”

“I mean I wouldn’t recommend it but I don’t see why it’s not an option.”

“Why don't you just come out and say you’re on mother’s side and don’t want me to come?”

“Because I’m not. I don’t have a strong opinion one way or the other about you coming, on the one hand mother makes a cogent point about the Deep Roads being dangerous, but on the other hand I also cede your implied premise that staying with mother and Gamlin here is, arguably, worse.”

“I don’t want to listen to your stupid rationalizations!”

“Well, do you think that just might have something to do with the fact that you still don’t seem to understand this despite the fact this is the fourth time today I’ve explained it and the second since we’ve left the house. Actually, strike that, the second time since I’ve left the house and you came after me.”

“Well if you weren’t being so selfish about this I wouldn’t have had to come after you!”

“How, pray, am I being selfish...precisely?”

“You’re going to invite that Tevinter elf to come to the Deep Roads!”

“I’m not sure that the word ‘invite’ in entirely appropriate in this situation; it generally connotes an offer to participate in something somehow enjoyable or enter a private space, neither of which seem particularly applicable to the proposed endevor, however I will concede that I do, indeed, intend to enquire as to whether Fenris would be willing to accompany the Deep Roads expedition.”

“And you know how he feels about mages.”

“While he is fairly open about his general dislike, I am still a bit unclear as to whether mages specifically are the root of the dislike or whether they are merely the personification of a more general aversion to magic as an abstract concept.”

“Can’t you please just pretend to be normal for 5 minutes so we can have an actual conversation? Why are you inviting someone who hates mages to come with us to the Deep Roads?”

“Ignoring that I maintain I am not ‘inviting’ him anywhere, ‘we’ are not going to the Deep Roads. ‘I’ am going to the Deep Roads. You are, as I have said, welcome to come along. If he decides he wants to come, you remain welcome to come along if you want to. If you do not wish to go with him, you are welcome to stay here. You can come or not come, either contingency is fine with me, but I’m not about to make that decision for you Bethany, nor am I going to attempt to impose a personal metric I would expect you to adopt in considering the decision.”

“I wouldn’t have to consider this in my decision if you weren’t being so selfish! Just because you picked the worst possible choice at the possible time to act like an actual human being and get a crush on a boy doesn’t mean that I should have to choose between being caught by the Templars and stuck in the Deep Roads with someone who hates me!”

“Ok, well, there’s just way too much wrong with that last thing for me to get into now, so would you do me the courtesy of allowing me to reframe your premise for the purposes of continuing this discussion?”

“Oh, please, do. I would never consider denying you one of your precious excuses to reason your way out of actually feeling something as my sister!”

“You posit that I am being selfish because I would rather do what I want to do than what you want to do, correct?”

“That is what the word means, or did you skip over that one in your lesions so you could get to the impressive ones you could try to bully people with?”

“Then I ask, Bethany, what, aside from the person of the pronoun, is the distinction between my preference for doing what I want to do over what you want to do and your preference for doing what you want to do over what I want to do?”

“This is why no one can stand to be around you, Cassia! You spend all your time thinking about everything except how everyone else feels!”

Hawke stopped walking. Fenris could see hurt momentarily flash across her face before she squared her shoulders, swallowed and turned to face her sister.

“I am the one who has worked to finance this expedition, the decision of who to ask along is mine, and I made it. The decision of whether to come along is yours, and his, and the only interest I have of discussing this further with you is to know your answer. Fine if you would prefer to hold yours to know his.”

“Ugh, you are utterly impossible!”

Bethany turned and stalked off, Cassia watched her go before turning herself to continue to his front door.

_ No, Hawke was continuing to his front door. Bethany had left and Hawke was coming. _

“Vashidan!”

Fenris swore as he kicked out at the pile of clothes near his bed. He knew trying to keep thinking of her as Hawke was impossible, and knew that thinking that as long as he kept that artificial distance of not thinking her given name wasn’t going to stop his growing attachment to the woman. An attachment he knew he could ill afford and was likely ill advised. Despite her sister’s protestations that she was asking him to come because she had ‘finally decided to have a crush on a boy,’ which was an odd phrasing but not the point, nothing Cassia-

_ Hawke. HAWKE! She’s Hawke. _

Nothing HAWKE had said sounded like she had any personal interest in asking him along. While her sister had taken things too far in the conversation, Fenris had to admit that Cassia Hawke was, herself, odd. 

_ Odd? What of odd, of course she’s odd, she’s brilliant. It would be strange if someone that brilliant weren’t a bit odd. Besides, odd didn’t change the fact that, aside from brilliant, she was witty, and brave, and determined, and beautiful, and...a woman he was willing to risk everything to be with. _

“Vashidan!”

The realization made him swear again. He knew he should just stay in his room, pretend he wasn’t there. Wait until she asked someone else to go with her. Wait until she found someone else to be with. He grabbed the empty bottle he had taken up here to finish last night and threw it at the wall in his frustration for allowing himself to want Cassia Hawke, and for being too cowardly to ask Cassia Hawke if she wanted him.

“Fenris? Are you up there?”

Cassia’s voice cut through his thoughts. So much much for staying hidden.

“I...uh...no!”

_ No? _

Had he just said ‘no’?

“Oh, ok, well either you’re good at throwing your voice or whoever is up there sounds just like you. Or I’m crazier than I think I am and have started hearing things.”

“No, I mean, yes!”

“Well, I guess at least if the delusions know they’re delusions that’s a good sign.”

“I’m here; I’m coming down. Wait for me in the dining room.”

He hoped he hadn’t left it in too much of a mess, although he didn’t have much time to dwell on the thought as he furiously dug for his clothes, the pile he had kicked earlier had been one of the clean ones so now he had to scramble to make himself presentable. As soon he heard she actually was coming here he should have stopped eavesdropping to at least get dressed and tried to do something about the state of the house. Cassia had been here many times already, before or after going somewhere that, more often than not, should have gotten at least one of them killed, so he wasn’t sure what he was so nervous about this time, particularly as Cassia had never judged him, aside from when they met and she had been understandably displeased about his lying her into a Tevinter ambush.

The sound of breaking glass and Cassia’s small cry of pain interrupted his reminiscing. He rushed down to the dining room to find her kneeling, picking up the remains of yet another bottle as the dregs it had held soaked into the carpet.

“I’m so sorry, Fenris. I wasn’t paying attention and I knocked into the table and it just fell off. I can buy you a new one. Well, probably a much, much cheaper one, but-ouch!”

Cassia recoiled as one of the shards caught her palm. Fenris reached out but she pulled her hand back.

“Are you all right?”

“Oh? What? This? It’s nothing. I’ve hurt myself way worse than this, like today even. I’ll just find a cloth or something so I don’t get blood all over the carpet while I pick up the rest of the bottle.”

“You don’t have to do that Hawke.”

“No, it’s my fault. I was being stupid and broke it so I’ll clean it up.”

“Hawke, it’s fine.”

Cassia shifted to sit on her feet in front of Fenris. She wasn’t wearing her usual armor today, instead favoring a simple burgundy tunic that looked lovely against her ivory skin. It looked even lovier from this angle as he watched the fabric strain to contain her ample breasts. With every breath it seemed that the string along the low-cut collar she had tied into a delicate bow might snap. Fenris swallowed and ran his hand through his hair to force his thoughts back to what had brought Cassia there and away from how it might feel to snap the string himself to let his hands contain her ample breasts. It did not help that Cassia was now worrying her lower lip between her teeth and kept almost but not quite looking in his direction.

“I mean, I guess if you’re sure…”

Fenris swallowed again.

“Yes, I am, I should probably clean in here anyway.”

Cassia chuckled. The string was tauter than Fenris had seen it so far but maddeningly held.

“Well, I wasn’t going to say anything.”

“But I assume that you didn’t actually come here to discuss my housekeeping.”

“Oh, right. I did come here to ask you something. I should ask you what I came to ask you for. That would make sense.”

Cassia began to lift herself up. Fenris held his hand out to help her, he was disappointed when she chose to grab his forearm, closing her hand around his sleeve, rather than his hand to steady herself as she stood, but was pleased she had been receptive to his assistance this time after rebuffing it before. He reminded himself that it was probably a good thing she had kept him from actually touching her or he probably wouldn’t want to let her go. He still didn’t want to let her go but it was easier to let his grip fall away from the fabric rather than the almost magnetic flesh below it.

“Ummm...thanks.”

Cassia grabbed a lock of her auburn hair that formed a loose curl when she pulled it away from the rest of her wavy plate and began twisting it between her fingers as she stole even more frequent furtive glances in his direction.

Fenris raised an eyebrow as he watched her. She was beginning to flush as the hand that wasn’t playing with her hair was crossed under her breasts, which spilled over to obscure parts of her arm, their generous curve on full display, and while the damnable bow held, Fenris could see it beginning to loosen.

He furiously reminded himself that while,  _ yes _ he was the only person who seemed to elicit this reaction from Cassia Hawke, she had never said anything directly, never given any conscious sign of her interest in him as anything other than a friendly ally. It was too much to hope for more. He reminded himself that she was here to ask him on what was likely to be a suicidal expedition into the Deep Roads. But when she finally caught his gaze and held it, her eyes stormy grey in this light, all he remembered was that she could be here to ask him to accompany her to the Black City itself and he would be all too willing to follow her.

“So, yes, I’m here to ask you a favor.”

Her eyes left his and started wandering the room again.

“And you do intend to ask it sometime today?”

“Well, that was the plan but I don’t seem to be doing very well.”

“Am I making you nervous, Hawke?”

“No! I…”

She stopped and turned to face him fully now. She cocked her head slightly as she looked at him.

“Nervous…Nervous is bad? Is nervous bad? You are not bad there is still...tension? No, that is not right either. I...I do not quite know what you make me, Fenris, but it is not bad. I...I think I like it.”

Fenris had barely heard that final sentence, but it had shaken his entire world. He gripped the edge of the table to steady himself.

“Well, now that that’s settled, ask what you want of me Hawke.”

Her left hand was in her hair again; first twirling a strand, then brushing the entire plait back while her right toyed with the pendant that rested just above the damnable bow, which clearly existed solely to mock him at this point. 

“Yes, well I’m sure you’ve heard of Bartrand’s expedition to the Deep Roads I’m investing in, and I was wondering if...I was hoping that...I wanted to see if you would be willing to accompany it.”

“Why?”

Part of him hated himself for asking, thought he should grab the chance to go with Cassia before she thought better of the idea and found someone else. But he knew this was no small thing Cassia was asking. The Deep Roads were dangerous, even if the Darkspawn actually were less of a threat after a Blight, no one really knew what else lurked down there, or if the Darkspawn were even worth worrying about by comparison.

“Why is the expedition going? Or why am I investing in the expedition?”

“No. Why are you asking me?”

Yes, the Deep Roads were dangerous. Even in his escape, Fenris had avoided them. It wasn’t so much to ask why Cassia was now asking him to go down there for her...even if he was more than willing to.

“It is pretty unreasonable of me, isn’t it? I mean, we have no idea what’s down there, and I can’t promise that there’s even going to be a point to any of this, or that anyone will make it back, but I did think about it before I decided to ask you.”

“And?”

“And it’s mostly because, well, Varric and I are obviously coming, and Bethany says she wants to come, so I thought that it would be good if we had someone who was good at front-line fighting. I mean, I have my daggers but I’m only useful if no one is paying attention to me, and given that we don’t know what’s down there I thought your abilities were more versatile than Aveline’s so it would be more logical to ask you first.”

The disappointment tasted bitter in Fenris’s throat.

_ Of course. This is Cassia Hawke. Everything is thought, and reasonable, and logical, and… _

“Mostly?”

The question escaped him before he fully realized what he was asking.

“I’m sorry?”

“You said that was ‘mostly’ the reason. What else?”

“I...it’s not important.”

“You’re asking me to go to the Deep Roads.”

“I know, and that’s why…”

“Why?”   
  


Cassia sucked in a quick breath as she squeezed her lips together. She was looking away from him now but he could hear tears on the edge of her voice.

“Why it would be wrong of me to say something that could unduly influence your decision.”

He touched her shoulder and she turned to face him even as she backed away.

“Hawke, this is my decision, let me decide what should influence it. I want to know why else you’re asking me.”

“Because...because it doesn’t matter that we’re going to the Deep Roads or that you’ll be useful. I’d just rather go with you than without you. But really, Fenris you don’t have to agree…”

“Yes.”

He stepped to close the gap between them but she retreated again. The tears that Fenris had heard in her voice were starting to fall now.

“Fenris, please, please don’t do this just because I said that. I don’t know...don’t understand what it means from me. People keep wanting things from me that I can’t do, can’t be. I don’t want you to put yourself in danger for me when I can’t do, can’t be what you want me to.”

Fenris couldn’t follow what Cassia was saying, and he doubted she understood what she was trying to say. Her breathing was ragged and most of what she was saying seemed to be random parts of incomplete and disparate thoughts. He reached out for again, but again she dodged, the hand that had aimed for hers instead grasping a fold on one of her bell sleeves. He clenched his fist over the fabric and she stood there considering, looking at his hand as though it were a puzzle that could explain to her the mysteries of the universe if she could only figure out how to solve it. Finally, after what seemed somehow both an eternity and an instant, she met his gaze again and shifted closer. Not enough for it to be an invitation to reach out again, but enough that the fabric wasn’t in danger of falling from his grip. Not unless she pulled her arm back or he let go. 

“Fenris, I can’t promise anything about what might happen down there, but…”

She swallowed and dropped her eyes to his hand.

“But I would still rather you come with than anyone else. Oh, and all the rational stuff I said too of course.”

Fenris let out a snort of laughter as he moved his fingers to take just a bit more of her sleeve into his fist.

“Well, that is, indeed, a relief to hear, but regardless; I would rather go with you than watch you leave without me, so my answer stands.”

She glanced at him and smiled at that.

_ Her real smile is enchanting. _

Cassia had a few fake smiles she wore at various occasions. The one for when a topic didn’t interest her, the one for when a person didn’t interest her, the one for when something or someone was hurting her but she was trying to keep it locked away. They seemed to work for their intended audiences, but Fenris had come to hate them, particularly the last. There was something empty, and forced, and pained about them all. But he loved her real smile, even if he so rarely got to see it.

“Can I have my sleeve back, please? I kind of need it and I’d like to get back before Bethany and my mother can totally coordinate their lectures about how I’ve once again managed to be literally the worst person in existance.”

“Well, your mother’s mistake might be excused seeing as she’s not met Anders. I can say nothing in your sister’s defense.”

Cassia laughed, then started to slowly pull her sleeve from Fenris’s grip.

“I’m sorry, I really do have to be going. But I can stop by later this week with the wine I owe you.”

“Hawke, you don’t have to do that…”

“I know. But I said I would, so I should.”

“Perhaps we can share it when you do?”

“I...oh, it’s not that I don’t want to, but I don’t like wine.”

“Then bring something you do like.”

“Uh, Fenris? I like tea. I mean, what I really like is coffee, but I’ve been considering doing the math and I actually think it would be cheaper to drink gold, at least if you don’t count the cost for the healers.”

“Tea sounds perfect, Hawke.”

He let his fingers fall away from her sleeve and she smiled again before turning to leave. Rather than follow her out the door he lingered on the stairs to watch as she left his house, hurrying back to his room to catch her from the window to keep watching her as long as possible until she finally disappeared down the steps to Lowtown.


End file.
